Hard Waiting (Lessons from Habakkuk)

Hard Waiting: the raw and real

"...I will keep watch to see what He will say to me..." ~Habakkuk 2:1

Habakkuk is in pain. He calls on God, pleading in the midst of His pain for God to deliver. Then, Habakkuk waits for the Lord, though pain and chaos continue to swirl around him. He waits for the Lord though his heart is breaking. Then, the Lord enters and speaks to Habakkuk's waiting heart. The voice of the Lord is heard above the sound of the chaos.

  I can only imagine the further pain that Habakkuk must be feeling as he hears the words of God: “Habakkuk, listen to me. I want you to write out for your people to hear, that because of the way that they are continually choosing to live in destruction, I will send one who will come and put them through great pain. It is through this pain that they can learn how much they need to trust me again. You have been waiting in the pain for my voice, and now I speak: This season is going to break your heart more than ever. You are going to have to go through more pain- but I will not leave you there. It is only from this pain that I can create the beauty again.

   Habakkuk, in all this- don't worry. I will save. There won't be pain forever. Trust. My. Time. Wait for me.”

   Again and again God speaks His love hard. I am inspired by the people who keep seeking and keep waiting even when God doesn't answer and their very hearts are breaking within them. I see Habakkuk waiting on God through the pain, in faith. He doesn't have an answer. All he has is the continual reality of living heartbreak, yet he still runs to God.

   When God answers, and tells Habakkuk that this season is going to bring more pain than the pain he is already living in, Habakkuk turns around and blesses the name of the Lord. Wow.

   God, I know you are familiar with my pain and heartbreak. I love that one of the reasons, the very reason that Habakkuk's heart was breaking is because He shared a heart with with you. Thank you that you are a God who also has the name “man of sorrows.” Thank you that pain is something I can come to you with- that we your people can come to you with because you understand it. Thank you that when we come to you in our brokenness, you see our tears. Thank you that when we wait for you through the pain, you answer. Thank you God that you answer me.

   God, this whole process with the men in my life has been so painful, and yet even in my pain, even after you tell me there will keep being more pain and my heart is wrenched inside of me- you keep reminding me of your word. You tell me again that you will be faithful. You remind of things you have spoken and you send more people to speak new things. My heart grows calm in the knowledge that you know exactly what I need. You don't forget prayers and you are faithful to promises.

   God, I remember the dream now. I know I was in a season much like this one, and I know the words still hold true. “Chase after me. Don't worry or strive about finding your husband. Pursue me with your whole heart and focus on falling in love with me, because when the time is right I am going to drop Him right in your lap, and you're not going to have to worry about finding him.” The words ring true still. I will seek and wait.

   You spoke it to me clear again. When my heart was broken by the man of my dreams and I was alone, again you said: “I have not forgotten you. I am not done. Wait for me.” So, I waited. I waited through the pain and the heartbreak, and it was there that you met me deep. Your love surrounded my broken heart and I felt you nearer than ever before.

You spoke in that season: “I am close to those whose hearts are broken.” I learned to love the brokenness because it was there that you met me. You taught me to be thankful that you brought me close to your heart, using even the most painful seasons imaginable. It was there that I learned to trust you.

   Again you spoke to me. You said, “In this season you are going to learn how to be married to me. I will teach your heart to love my word. You have this season, set apart to love my word and not be worried about anything else. I will use this time to deepen the roots, building foundation for the rest of your life. I have given you a heart of adoration, and now I am going to build a firm foundation...”

   When my heart started to struggle and wanted to put someone there to fill voids, you spoke again: “When you're in a marriage you don't pursue other romantic relationships, but focus on building a good foundation.” My heart was drawn back to filling my holes with your vast love.

   When I had to be reminded of the heartbreak of the man of my dreams, you spoke clear and soft: “Though your dreams might be shattered and dying within you, I am still holding onto your heart.” I was calmed in the presence of your love and peace.

   Here I am struggling again. I struggle hard to say no- to keep my eyes on you, and it hurts so good. From my heartbreak, I prayed “your will be done” and you gave me an answer I didn't expect. Your will looked different than mine.

   You said to me, “This season is going to be hard on your heart.” I know why. The pain will keep going and every day I will have to choose to say yes to waiting. You told me to keep trusting you with my heart. You told me to learn to cry. You said, “Trust me with your heart, and I will be enough.”

   In the middle of promising pain, you have also reminded me of this mercy: “It is in the midst of the pain that I am closest to your heart.” You reminded me that it's the pain, but even more, the waiting for the healer, that makes me stronger than if the wound had never come. It's like broken bones, I guess.

   I look forward to this waiting season because I know I will find you here. I already see you coming. Thank you for your nearness.

   I asked for renewed vision to give me strength to keep saying yes in the little moments. You met me in a crazy way. You reminded me of what I thought you had forgotten. You spoke the words clear again and my heart moved within me: “South Africa.” Every day you instruct my heart with your faithfulness. I like that you're a detailed God!

   God- you said it again, even after you already started re-wrecking me. She was a little Japanese woman I don't even know. In the midst of all of these scattered thoughts she randomly started sharing (in broken English) the story of how God blessed her marriage because she married the man you told her to marry. She shared that even though she had to go through pain, you were blessing her through her obedience to you. Beauty.

   God, you are so faithful. Your message is coming even in the pain: “Wait for me, I have not forgotten. I will be faithful. Trust my timing.”

   I have watched our story unfold as you walk me through season after saeson. Looking back I know one thing is true: you always hold my heart close. I watch Habakkuk as he waits and you promise more pain. Even though you promise pain, he keeps waiting faithfully because he knew he was waiting on the one who was true even if he didn't understand the process. He waited even in the confusion of his heart, and you met him there. He was led to worship because you are the faithful one.

   So, you spoke it strong again: “Calmed in the waiting despite the situation because of the one you wait upon.” I knew it was for me. Please teach me to remember.

   God, will you help me to be like Habakkuk who waited through pain, in faith? Teach me to wait on what I can't see and can't feel, simply because I know that you are a God who is good. Let my waiting be filled with worship because no matter what, you are worthy.

“Though the fig tree does not blossom, and no fruit is on the vines; though the produce of the olive fails and the fields yield no food; though the flock is cut off from the fold, and there is no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will exult in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, and makes me tread upon the heights...”

~Habakkuk 3:17-19

Jesus, thank you that this is not the end of the story.  

   This is just a bit of what the Lord is doing in my life as He is teaching me to wait on Him in trust. I hope that you might take encouragement from it, knowing that God is pursuing your heart as well- even in seasons when you may not see Him. I pray that your eyes may be opened even more to His love and His grace today!